signed her letters with Xs and Os

Evie's 25th birthday is today. It's late and I am awake, thinking, making, and wasting the night. I have to work at 7 but my body doesn't want to sleep at all.

I can hardly remember them. Though I remember I loved them. I still come across times that I wonder who I would have been had they been around. Though I guess I shouldn't dwell on that. Mom has told me Evie loved to sing, but was tone deaf. She clogged, read Boxcar Children, and Babysitters Club, listened to Pam Tillis, Trisha Yearwood, and Seal. She played French Horn, let me sleep on the floor next to her bed when I couldn't sleep. She was my introduction to Girl Scouts and Camp Roundelay. My loverly, loverly sister.

I am grateful for the sisters I have come upon.The ones I met in kindergarten, and the sisters I have just begun to know. The one who shares a birthday with my genetic sister, and who has a special place in my heart. The sisters who have inauguration day lunch with me, the ones who are too too far away (if you ask me). And the sisters with whom I lack communication, but still love. I'm a lucky girl.

I'm so excited.

I had a real good birthday. Lots of birthday wishes at work, including being serenaded over the walkies by my manager. Rachel took me out to dinner and we spent the weekend together. There was a nice little Troll party at Tiko's with camp people, which was quite loverly and full of Trolls, Wii, and Whoonu?.

I ATE CAKE IN MY JAMMIES!
(that's the first one in 3 years that hasn't said and em :()

On the way home Sunday night all I could think about was my friendship with Rachel U. I want to be her friend, but can I be friends with someone who thinks I should have less rights than her? How were we so close for so long and I never knew. It's just been dragging on me. I know it's corny, but I just kept listening to "Begin Again" by Ellis. "Can I let myself reveal all the feelings I have, that I can't ignore?" There is part of me that is totally confident I want and could be her friend and then another that feels like I would be too bothered and hurt.

I'm having trouble with Wells Fargo again. I hate money. Whenever I seem to have enough, something goes wrong. It's a resolution of mine to be real good with money. I've been writing down every little bit I spend. I'm going to need to do some babysitting Saturday to make up for the fact that I only have 10 hours at ON next week, but I like watching those little babes. I'm also selling some clothes on the internets.

If only I could grow a marshmallow tree and sell those.

I was nineteeeeeen!

Mom, Dad, and I went to Ely and purchased a pair of mukluks. They pretty much feel like slippers. My dad paid for half for my birthday present in the end, or I guess my parents as a unit did, which was real nice of them. The ride was beautiful, with the thick woods and the snow covered trees, and no fighting. The horizon on the ride home was also beautiful, the outline of the trees, the sunset, it was wonderful. I want to go back up to Ely and maybe spend a day or two, stay in the Motel that advertises color TV, and phones in every room, and explore. I also want to go to the Boundary Waters this summer.

My parents then took me and my grandma out for a fancy pants dinner at the Scenic Cafe for my birthday. I had yummy butternut squash ravioli! OM NOM NOM NOM!!!

It was a real good quiet, fun family day.
Tomorrow work, and then a birthday date!

HOLIDAZZLE IN MY SOUL!

Christmas with the Lieffring's was one of the best in years. It was strange without my aunt Jeanie there, she had to work this year. She usually keeps the chatter and volume up, so it was rather quiet and gossip free.

On the drive away from family and off to Duluth to go to a movie that night I just cried. Something inside of me just broke. My aunts asking what was new with me and how much I wanted to say I've been dating someone and I really like her and all that jazz, but nope. The only thing new with me is I work at Old Navy. Then my aunt told me I should visit my cousin Staci when I am in Minneapolis, cause she hangs out with a lot of cute boys. I just wanted to be able to say something, anything about my life without fear of a bad reaction. I guess maybe that means it's time to come out of the coat closet to my family. Eh?

Carlson Christmas was loverly as always. I learned how to play cribbage!

I miss outreach GS, we haven't had it for 2 weeks because of the Holiday and I need some fun work in my life. Old Navy is fine, but it sometimes sucks my soul. My hours are low because of the time of year, which makes the money situation stink even more. Maybe I will sell my life on Ebay.

I had a lovely low-key new years night with Anna(Page). We made some eats and watched Margaret Cho. I also had New Years breakfast with Katie(Pike) and I forget how much I like that girl. We just talked for an hour, which could have easily been longer had I not needed to hit the road to get to work.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!